By the Idler-in-Chief
You already know that the Nyagenkeans have long agreed on two things: that rain always starts when you forget an umbrella, and that no argument travels faster than one that begins inside a moving vehicle.
What you may not be knowing is that the image accompanying this article has been circulating faster than gossip after a chief’s meeting, and it captures this second truth with artistic cruelty.
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There I was, the Idler-in-Chief himself, seated behind the wheel of the Nyagenke Jalopy, steering carefully as one does when the vehicle is insured but one’s dignity is not.
Beside me sat my wife, the Domestic Deputy, hereafter referred to, in official family documents, as the DD, and ahead of us pedaled an ordinary bike.
“So,” said the DD, “you can’t overtake an ordinary bike.”
My kinsmen must understand this immediately: this was not a question. It was a finding, and probably had a thing to do with the photocopy of Eve pedaling ahead of us.
You see, in Nyagenke, with its world class potholes, overtaking is not merely a traffic maneuver but a character reference.
It answers important questions: Are you decisive? Are you bold? Are you, in fact, the man you claimed to be during courtship, when even lorries seemed to respect you?
The bike rider was confident, upright, and alarmingly unbothered as she moved steadily forward, as if powered by purpose itself.
The Jalopy, meanwhile, was moving thoughtfully, cautiously, and with full awareness of school fees, hospital bills, upcoming Xmas and the general state of the economy that has forgotten Fiction 2030 and focused on something else that has a thing to do with Zingapoo.
These things, I wanted to explain to the DD, act as invisible speed governors but something told me that explanation was dangerous in such moments.
Domestic Oversighting Officer (DOOO)
It did not take minutes before my DD transformed the situation from traffic to theology.
For in Nyagenke domestic law, being overtaken by another man is unfortunate; being unable to overtake a woman on a bicycle is evidence of declining leadership capacity.
“Do you see her?” the DD’s pointing finger seemed to say.
“She has direction. Momentum. Vision. What do you have?”
I had many answers including potholes shaped like policy failures and speed bumps installed by jealous planners, plus the road curving like a campaign promise.
But silence, I have learned, is the only neutral foreign policy in a moving marriage, and I had to employ it.
You see, technology may advance, roads may widen, but the DD’s oversight remains timeless.
I suspected this incident might be tabled at a family cabinet meeting and had to water it down but how?
What if she mentioned casually it casually: “Even bicycles are overtaking him these days.”
Laughter would follow and no right of reply would be granted.
Some situations would demand the intervention of wazima moto, yet the cyclist continued with her life, unaware that she had become a benchmark, a living performance indicator and a reminder that progress does not wait for debates.
And so, fellow Nyagenkeans, when next you find yourself behind an ordinary bike, do not panic.
Instead, check your mirrors, signal responsibly and overtake when safe, and above all, glance sideways.
If the Domestic Deputy is watching, understand this: the bike is no longer the issue. Tuko pamoja ama hatuko pamoja?
-babahezel@gmail.com
