By Dennis Kirwa
A silent but damaging social shift is taking root among young girls and women across various towns in Kenya—particularly in secondary schools, colleges, universities, and fresh graduates.
Investigations show that an increasing number of these young women are engaging in same-sex relationships, a trend that’s now raising both curiosity and concern within communities.
Also Read
The growing phenomenon, once mentioned in whispers, is now evident in upcountry towns like Kisii, Nyamira, among others.
Groups of girls walk together in matching street wear—oversized shirts, hoodies, suits, and what they refer to as “boyfriend jeans” are not a rare sighting any more.
Though such dressing is often attributed to global youth trends, in these regions, it also hints at a subculture- lesbianism- that is quietly taking root.
Parents, in a bid to protect their daughters from early heterosexual relationships, often prefer single-gender boarding schools.
Some go further—to introduce strict surveillance at home to monitor movements.
Ironically, while many believe they are keeping their daughters “safe,” they may be overlooking what is really going on.
Technology, freedom, and same-sex exploration
With the rise of smartphones, internet access, and social media, many young girls now navigate identity and emotions without proper guidance.
The influence of online platforms, changing laws, and modern education has created a gap between tradition and today’s reality.
This investigation narrowed in on Kebirigo town, Nyamira County. The findings reveal how same-sex relationships often begin—not out of orientation alone—but from heartbreak, peer pressure, or simply the need for emotional support and companionship.
Sylvia’s story
Sylvia (not her real name), 19, finished Form Four last year and a resident of Kebirigo town, shared how, after being heartbroken by three different boyfriends, began getting approached by girls.
Curious and emotionally drained, she started seeing these friendships differently.
“At first, I didn’t understand it. I just saw how my female friends enjoyed themselves at ladies-only parties and always returned happier, while I dealt with heartbreaks,” she said.
She described a pivotal moment during a rainy afternoon when a female friend visited and they ended up sharing a bed.
“She cuddled me, touched me, and the feeling was better than anything I had with boys. We kissed, and since then, we’ve been lovers,” Sylvia shared.
She was introduced to sex toys, and now owns three. “We are okay,” she adds.
Sylvia later introduced this writer to two more girls—Dianah and Joyce—who also opened up about their lesbianism journey.
Dianah’s Story: Family boundaries crossed
Dianah, 19, was introduced to same-sex intimacy by her aunt—a 27-year-old businesswoman living in Kisii.
Her mother, who works in Nairobi, had asked Dianah to stay with her aunt during school breaks.
“She would visit me at school, bring me shopping, and eventually asked me to share her bed. That’s when she started cuddling me, kissing me, and using her fingers and tongue. I enjoyed it, and I no longer need a man,” Dianah confessed.
Like Sylvia, she was introduced to sex toys and now uses them at school and at home with her aunt.
She says she doesn’t visit Nairobi anymore. “I’m comfortable here. She provides for me.”
Joyce’s Story: The hidden culture in boarding schools
Joyce, 20, was introduced to same-sex relationships in Form Two at a girls’ boarding school in Nyamira.
Joyce’s parents had enrolled her there after fearing she might get involved with boys in a local mixed day school.
“On my first day, a Form Four dorm prefect befriended me. She transferred her bedmate to another cube and made me her roommate,” Joyce explained.
“She was caring, and slowly, I grew to enjoy her company. It became frequent.”
Joyce claims 90% of the girls in her school were in similar relationships, and some were involved with female teachers.
“I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve had six girlfriends,” she says.
Identity markers and the hidden language
This subculture has developed a way of identifying one another—through dressing, accessories like earrings or bracelets, and color-coded clothes.
They can easily tell who is “butch” (masculine) and who is “femme” (feminine).
The bigger picture is that these stories are just the tip of the iceberg.
What is being witnessed is not just rebellion—it’s a search for understanding, love, and identity, according to the respondents.
Many girls feel safer, more accepted, and emotionally supported in these same-sex relationships.
In the author’s view, rather than meet this shift with outrage or denial, it calls for empathy, education, and conversation.
Parents must ask themselves: are they present enough to truly know what their daughters are going through?
The assumption that daughters are “safe” just because they’re away from boys may be misguided.
Today’s risks are more complex and subtle, as girls who end up falling victim no longer even attend church and other social events where moral values are discussed.
Their emotional and sexual lives may be unfolding far from parental or community oversight.
It is upon parents, guardians, teachers, and religious leaders not to rely on fear and surveillance.
Instead, let parents foster open dialogue, emotional education, and spiritual grounding. We must be present—physically and emotionally.
If these signs are ignored, the risk is the loss of a generation—not just to a culture shift, but to a life lived without guidance, love, and understanding.
Parents need to be vigilant, but also compassionate by knowing their daughters, their friendships, and engage with an open heart.
