By the Idler-in-Chief
This year, as in years gone by, Saba Saba arrived in Nyagenke carrying two matters of importance: democracy and Monene’s birthday.
You already know that democracy is important, but do not forget that it came after Monene, and so once Monene, always Monene.
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What you may not know is that the collision of these two events often creates a crisis neither the Constitution of Kinya nor the Nyagenke Council of Elders ever anticipated.By dawn, news had reached my desk that roads had been blocked, businesses were closing and smoke was rising in places where smoke is usually unwelcome.
Meanwhile, Monene had ordered a birthday cake large enough to require its own Sub-County Administrator.
Unconfirmed reports soon emerged that Monene had declared Saba Saba a public holiday in honour of his birthday.
Monene himself was reportedly puzzled. “How do I come in?” he is said to have asked, and nobody answered.
Villagers had woken up unsure whether to go to work, prepare placards or prepare their appetites for cake eating.
The first signs and symptoms of trouble emerged when smoke was spotted beyond the Nyagenke International Convention Centre (NICC).
One group concluded it was tear gas, another insisted it was smoke from mouthwatering birthday goat ribs, while a third argued that before reaching conclusions the village should first eat breakfast.
The proposal received universal approval.Live footage showed that by mid-morning, Nyagenke resembled a place caught between a political rally and a family gathering, where some residents carried placards demanding justice and accountability, others carried forks, and a few wisely carried both.
Kidogo, reports arrived via Nyagenke Cable News Network (NCNN) that the smoke seen earlier had nothing to do with culinary activities but Saba Saba has turned into Shaba Shaba characterized with tear gas and stone throwing as police engaged protestors in running battles.
The news did little to discourage my kinsmen, many of whom had already decided that any cloud appearing on Monene’s birthday was merely escorting the cake.
The Nyagenke Council of Elders convened an emergency sitting beneath the avocado tree and, after deliberations lasting the duration of a fall of a fruit, issued a landmark ruling.
“Every Nyagenkean has a constitutional right to peaceful assembly, and every birthday cake has a constitutional right to peaceful consumption,” the chairman said, upon which the masses erupted: “Wewe ni Twotam!”
Soon, my kinsmen formed a procession behind Monene’s cake.
Some sang birthday songs, others chanted slogans and flashed a two-finger salute in honour of the cake.
As the sun raced to bed, the cake vanished into the stomachs of my kinsmen and women, democracy remained intact and Monene successfully added another year to his age.
According to reports, the Nyagenkeans concluded that democracy and birthdays have much in common: both come with promises, both attract unexpected guests and both leave people arguing about how to do it better next time.
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